Bailey Say What

Hope my brother (who’s been Daddy to Zoë for a week) likes...

Mon, 20 May 2013 20:22:50 -0500

Hope my brother (who’s been Daddy to Zoë for a week) likes his birthday gift. #starwars (at Home)

"You mean the generation that paid three times as much for college to enter a job market with triple..."

Mon, 20 May 2013 16:47:08 -0500

“You mean the generation that paid three times as much for college to enter a job market with triple the unemployment isn’t interested in purchasing the assets of the generation who just blew an enormous housing bubble and kept it from popping through quantitative easing and out-and-out federal support? Curious.”

- When comments are better than the article, Atlantic edition (“The Cheapest Generation: Why Millennials aren’t buying cars or houses, and what that means for the economy”)

brain-food: Nike Lunar Peg 89 Want. Want. On my feet.

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:18:39 -0500

brain-food:

Nike Lunar Peg 89

Want. Want. On my feet.

at Home

Sun, 19 May 2013 23:26:02 -0500

at Home

Because my mudder loves me. (at Home)

Sun, 19 May 2013 11:17:36 -0500

Because my mudder loves me. (at Home)

Yes, Tumblr, I realize this is a microblog site and I just wrote a macro post.

Sat, 18 May 2013 01:36:00 -0500

Yes, Tumblr, I realize this is a microblog site and I just wrote a macro post.

My 21-year old sister is in the living room, planning her life.

Sat, 18 May 2013 01:35:24 -0500

“I want to be engaged for 9 months, and I want him to propose just the two of us, and I want a secret photographer, and I want my kids named x and y…” and on it goes. She doesn’t seem to understand that life isn’t like that. It never is. You can’t put a box down on it; it’s messy and unreliable.

My littlest sister at 14 is sure she’ll be married and have at least one kid at 23. And didn’t I think 25 was old at that time too?

This in between period is so unusual for me. I’ve had a consistent job since I was 12 years old. This 3-week period is the longest time off I’ve ever had, and it’s messing with my head. Well, that and the moving-to-Korea part isn’t doing me any favors.

I’m getting my eyebrows waxed and the hairstylist gave me bangs. I’m buying dresses and heels for my new job, new life. And yet there is nowhere I want to be more than sitting on Trace’s screened in back porch with Beard, and Abs and fresh guacamole and Dexter. Walking on the Two Rivers bridge as the sun sets and throwing a rubber pig from Kroger for Zeus as far as I can see. Eating phō and curling up under a quilt to watch Adventure Time with my favorite person.

Give me the cockroaches and the 114 degree non-central AC heat and repetitive, whiny customers who dropped their phones in the lake after a Razorbacks game. Give me every closing shift and that lack-of-a-drive-thru Starbucks on Chenal. I’ll take it.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about anything. I’ve moved to Oklahoma from Washington State, from Oklahoma to Arkansas knowing a grand total of 5 people, been broken up with in the shittiest, weirdest, longest, lack-of-closure way. I’ve been scared and succeeded every time. And I know I’ll be good at this. I think I’m scared that I’m going to succeed. And love Korea. And teaching.

I feel this dichotomy where I want one thing and need another. I want my old world, but I need something new. And I have enough perspective to recognize that this is an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. My thought was, “in 10 years, I want to say I did this. And if I don’t, I want a damn good reason.” And I never found a reason. This is ridiculously cool and everything fell into place: every interview, background check, reference, even selling my car for the listed on price on Craigslist (which we all know never happens. Never.).

But I had no idea pulling up my Arkansas roots would hurt this much. And that is the picture I have: reaching down and pulling up roots, every one with a name or a memory and emotions accompanying it. And I feel like I’m bleeding. I’m not to the acceptance part of the grief yet. And I ache to know that I’m still at least a year, at least a year, away from the possibility of seeing those people and things again. And it terrifies me. To the point where I’m digging for a melatonin and just reading until I fall asleep, like I used to when I was a kid.

I’ve always been exceedingly emotional. It’s part of being a woman, part of my specific personality. But I’ve always wanted to be a “don’t let ‘em see you bleed” type—likely due to sports and just as likely my upbringing in a very visible Christian school and church. But I don’t know that I’ll ever have thick skin. I feel like my skin is just barely containing all these emotions and I don’t know where to put them. I don’t know how to “deal with them” or “work them through.”

I need to go. But I want to be there.

This is Zoë, and my happy aunt face. (at St Joseph’s...

Sun, 12 May 2013 21:06:54 -0500

This is Zoë, and my happy aunt face. (at St Joseph’s Childbirth Center)

I keep trying to decide what I want my Korea blog to be called. This is an open call for...

Thu, 09 May 2013 14:53:00 -0500

I keep trying to decide what I want my Korea blog to be called. This is an open call for suggestions.

Well, it’s sunny, 81 degrees and the lilacs are blooming...

Mon, 06 May 2013 18:27:51 -0500

Well, it’s sunny, 81 degrees and the lilacs are blooming and fragrant. Perfect day to arrive home. (at Home)

Photo

Mon, 06 May 2013 14:39:13 -0500

Day 3: #Idaho (at Twin Falls , Id)

Sun, 05 May 2013 12:08:23 -0500

Day 3: #Idaho (at Twin Falls , Id)

My sister complaining that her computer “makes a noise” and how frustrating it is to go...

Sun, 05 May 2013 00:42:00 -0500

My sister complaining that her computer “makes a noise” and how frustrating it is to go take a trip to the Apple Store. I’m sorry you get free service at the Apple Store, where they take care of you and can give you a quote before cracking it open. Better deal than you’ll ever get from a car shop, EVER.

Also, I’m 97% sure the noise is benign.

Edit: BENIGN

Never in my life has this been more true.

Sun, 05 May 2013 00:40:51 -0500

Never in my life has this been more true.

toramorigan: daksinakke: funfrom4chan: So my cat likes...

Sun, 05 May 2013 00:15:35 -0500

toramorigan:

daksinakke:

funfrom4chan:

So my cat likes unpacking..

thats the happiest fucking cat ive ever seen

Aww yiss.

Mother.

Fucking.

Air Pacs.

#wyoming on Day 2 of the Great Roadtrip of ‘13 with...

Sat, 04 May 2013 14:16:00 -0500

#wyoming on Day 2 of the Great Roadtrip of ‘13 with @bmbailey3. (at Laramie, Wy)

"I want to be alone and I want people to notice me - both at the same time"

Fri, 03 May 2013 00:26:00 -0500

“I want to be alone and I want people to notice me - both at the same time”

- Thom Yorke (via senshuk)

I’m really terrible at falling asleep with the TV on, but I’m afraid of my sad if I turn...

Fri, 03 May 2013 00:23:06 -0500

I’m really terrible at falling asleep with the TV on, but I’m afraid of my sad if I turn it off. So I’m half watching HGTV to try and pass out.

I know I chose this. I know it needs to happen. But damn. It hurts. It hurts so much.

“JUST THROW IT, ALREADY!” #zeus (at Casa Carp)

Wed, 01 May 2013 18:44:51 -0500

“JUST THROW IT, ALREADY!” #zeus (at Casa Carp)

Beer & Baseball #arkansastravelers (at Dickey-Stephens Park)

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 20:13:23 -0500

Beer & Baseball #arkansastravelers (at Dickey-Stephens Park)